


a world where no one catches you.

by Whirlibirb (Draikinator)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Chara (Undertale), POV Second Person, Prequel, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 16:28:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19445233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draikinator/pseuds/Whirlibirb
Summary: Perhaps you did die when you fell, and all of this was some kind of test. Would you sacrifice your own enjoyment of heaven to save those you loved? Perhaps it was all real, and the universe had finally taken pity on kind and innocent monsters beneath the earth by sending them you. What better hero could they ask for but a human happy to die to help them?





	a world where no one catches you.

You are the wolf in the woods.

The cavern is lit up by torches that line the stone walls, casting orange light upon purple bricks, making the colours warp and dance in the corners of your vision. Flower petals rest against your knees and sit crushed beneath you where you sit in the center of the garden. Hardly a garden, more like a field. Endless buttercups, your father's favourite flower, creating a room of elegant royal gold surrounded by purple walls and orange lights, broken only by towering grey columns that support the roof, vines clawing their way up them to the crackled ceiling and the thin streams of sunlight that flicker through on nice days.

You rub your thumb against the petal of a flower and it seems to melt into your hand, as if it were rest it's cheek against your palm. Above you you can hear distant birdsong, wind, rustling leaves. The world is still out there, waiting.

You've never called her mother. How could you? You could never be her child. You were never going to live long enough. You were never going to be real. Only real people get to be someone's child.

Ever since you fell into the Underground you have wondered if the world around you was real. It seems more likely you're in a coma, or having a fever dream. The world would never be so kind to you as to drop you into a family like this. It's as if everything you've ever wanted has been handed to you on a silver platter. It couldn't be real. You've been walking through the days and the moments, knowing at some point you would wake up and lose everything.

And then you didn't. It wasn't the world that wasn't real, it was you. You had realized that last week, when a girl in your class's mother had fallen down. Class had been cancelled, and you went to the funeral, holding your mother you can't call mother's hand, too tightly, as people took handfuls of dust and poured it on things she loved. You had heard the whispers beneath the sobbing of the other mourners around you. Six souls to break the barrier. A human and a monster, together, could leave. It all became so clear, in that moment. You being here was no accident. You had arrived here for a reason.

Perhaps you did die when you fell, and all of this was some kind of test. Would you sacrifice your own enjoyment of heaven to save those you loved? Perhaps it was all real, and the universe had finally taken pity on kind and innocent monsters beneath the earth by sending them you. What better hero could they ask for but a human happy to die to help them?

You pluck the petals from the flowers head absently, letting the winds that passed in from above scatter them where they might go. Where did a flower go when it died? Where would you?

It wasn't all bad. This was a moment you knew well. How many times had you stood in the same moment, ready to go? If not today, perhaps tomorrow. You know that eventually, when you died, there was only one way it would ever happen. It may as well be now, it may as well be for a reason. It may as well be for your mother, for your brother, for your father, for every person here who had been kind to you.

Would they miss you? Surely. Your mother would sob through her laughter. Your father would stand strong, stoic, with silent tears on his cheeks. Azzy would be such a baby about the whole thing. You're not stupid. You would be missed.

But it's inevitable. Whenever things went wrong, you arrived at the same conclusion. One day you would do it. There was no escaping that truth. You may as well get it over with, before they learn to love you anymore and it gets any worse. You've had a good time. A short time, but a good one.

You could have fallen down any hole. You fell down that one. You fell into this world, this family, this destiny. You had the power to do something, go make your life matter by ending it. You'd always wanted to be a martyr. Just like that, you could repay every kindness done to you. The universe had given you that gift- the ability to repay that kindness. You couldn't thank it enough for that. You will not die in debt.

You pluck another flower and hold it aloft, leaning back to look at it framed by sunlight. Tonight you'll go home and eat dinner and tell your mother thank you and when she leaves the room you will whisper "I love you" quietly enough she will never hear it, but the universe will know that you did, that you loved. But you will not burden her with that. Not your mother, not yourself. Asriel is a good enough son for two kids. She'll get over it one day.

You bite down on the bitter head of the flower and never look back.


End file.
